gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
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