I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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