What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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