She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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