Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
