Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
