final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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