They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
