trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
