I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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