When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
