I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize