Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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