Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
