remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Randomize
