I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
