My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
