I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
50% drunk capacity currently
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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