I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
