We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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