So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
