i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
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