i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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