i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
