hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
