All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
