8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
