Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
