Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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