turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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