I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm experimenting with sincerity
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
