You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
