bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Randomize
