Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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