Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
