I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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