As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
