If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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