I look better un-naked...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
