Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
