y did u give ur computer a hand job?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
