And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
