It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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