just come out here and I will go home with you...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize