an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Houston, we have a squirter
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
