i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
