i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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