I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
