I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
