i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
