I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
