I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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