I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
