no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
