TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
