you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
