is your mom at the bar?
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Randomize
