We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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