so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
