i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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