Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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