watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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