I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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