big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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