you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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