he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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