Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
ugly people sure do ruin things
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
