those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
