SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
