I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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