we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
There's a naked man in my car right now.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
