Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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