and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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