i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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