You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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